Liverpool 0 Ted Won

Forgot to tell you what happened to me - got to the hospital after the heart attack, not that I remember much apart from Tina screaming he's gone purple do something over and over to the paramedics.
Put me in intensive care straight away, tubes in all my orifices and a mask over my face. She even put a picture of me on Face book, can you believe it? I think it was to get the girls to realise the severity of my condition or it could have been to get a record number of likes.

After I had stabilised it was tests, and more bloody tests followed by a quadruple bypass, knew I should have cut down on the donuts and sneaky Kentucky fries and followed her example but can you see me at weight watchers  followed by Zumba at the town hall. Nor can I.

That's when I heard about the Liverpool pathway; I was just coming round back on the ward and I though the doctor was taking to the nurse about the latest football results as it was the weekend when it all happened. Bloody cheek I thought there's me at death's door and they're talking about bleeding football.

I had it wrong didn't I  they had decided in their medical wisdom that not a great deal more effort should be put my way. I was on the Liverpool pathway, not bleeding likely.  I thought it was called the National Health Service not a fast-track  to the incinerator . Well I bloody showed them. Once I came round with Tina there I told them straight;  if I needed the ER electric pads, get you going again injections or mouth to mouth. I wasn't fussy let the newest non-English speaking doctor give it a go. Look at the way they're treating Nelson Mandela and he's bloody 90 odd!  I want the same service here. We're not a third world country and  I might not have freed a people from persecution but I have bloody well paid my NI for 40 years.

That got them going - having Tina there helped.  I felt sorry for those older buggars with no visitors. Meal-time was worst I was on the ward with four old guys all pretty frail; their meals were plonked by them and they were expected to be able to eat them; lucky Tina was there and the girls as they usually ended up spooning it in. It brought tears to my eyes.

Glad I got through it - allowed back to work next week. If you can afford private healthcare bloody get it,